They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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