A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
