i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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