I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
