I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just invented taco cereal.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
