We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have post one night stand depression
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
