Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
