I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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