I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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