i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
