FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
