D3 body, D1 cock
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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