i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
