but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
