its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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