i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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