No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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