We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
