Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
