I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
