You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
