we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
