Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
