so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
