Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
