I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize