she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize