Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this will be a night to untag.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
