Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
