..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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