Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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