Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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