Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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