My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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