checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
