Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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