Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize