First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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