It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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