Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
