I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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