Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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