When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
