The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
