I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
