some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
