Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
