im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
