my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
