I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
