i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
