I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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