this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
