Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
