So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
