I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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