i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
