It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize