yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
