Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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