he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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