they need to just BURY HIM!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
