I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
