My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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