when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
