So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
