____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
