you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
