i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
