just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am one with the molecules
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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