She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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