We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
