So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
