dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
