the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
