Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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