I just gift wrapped bread.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
