So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have peed in a lot of sinks
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
