need another drink. this is the easiest way
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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