to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
